Writer's Block

Believe me, I do not suffer from writer's block in the classic sense: I can write/talk at any time of day or night at length on almost any subject.  Neither have I been short of subjects worthy of my worry these past few weeks.  The reason for my relative inactivity for the past few weeks has been a combination of a) job hunting and interviewing (so far to no avail, but I have hope) and b) the inability to discuss the most pressing worries in public.  Not, you understand, because I don't know what to say, but because they are not my business to be sharing.

Over the past few weeks I have been deeply involved in some very fraught and upsetting troubles and on many occasions I have wished I could vent my worries and fears on here.  But the Jeremy Kyle-esque temptation to broadcast the woes of others is not my style and not, ultimately, the purpose of this blog.

I have read with interest and revulsion about a US judge who stated that the woman who was raped 'couldn't have protested hard enough' because the female body would stop sex from happening if it really didnt want it.  He admitted he was no gynaecologist but... NO.. no, you are not... clearly.  (idiot)

I have watched with horror the unfolding story of Newtown, Connecticut and the atrocities that happened there; I have read and agreed (or disagreed, depending) on different opinions about what could or would turn the tide of gun crime in the USA in the wake of this horrible tragedy.

I have silently congratulated Wills and Kate on their happy news, actively avoided any involvement in X Factor, Strictly Come Dancing or I'm a Celebrity Get Me Out of Here and indulged my obsession with Homeland.  I have cried as I left my job and colleagues for the final time, taking that inevitable step towards my possible future unemployment; I have worried myself to distraction about how I am going to find a new job in this unsettled economic climate, about how I am going to pay my rent and bills next year; I have been through another set of spinal injections and still feel no lasting difference to my daily pain and discomfort.

But for all the petty worries that I may have had, I have been completely unable to write about them as they have been shadowed by something so much more personally troubling. You know who you are, and you know what I am speaking about, and believe me I wish that my writing about it could solve any of the hardships that you are currently suffering.  In the past few weeks I have gone from joyful and positive through utterly speechless to appalled, disgusted and heartbroken for you.  Somehow today I have found myself able to write, albeit in a guarded way, about this pain and I applaud your strength and hope that a happy resolution will be made quickly for you all.

In the meantime, selfishly, I hope that this temporary 'writer's block' of mine may be eased by this blog and by the catharsis of accepting the reasons for my lack of productivity.  I also hope that a work-from-home job paying 40k lands in my inbox tomorrow, begging me to accept.

K x